T.O.B.P: New medical term?

As I rapidly approach my due date, the desire to be over and done with pregnancy is close to overwhelming. I've read all I can read, learned all I can learn--from books, much to learn over the next decade or two-- and am now ready to meet my daughter and start my life as a mother.

At just over 38 weeks, my Dr. told me I could expect to deliver any time, and I took this to mean 'Pack a bag, and get ready!' so I did. Now, almost a week later, after 3 days of minor contractions (Cruelly named 'pre-labor' contractions), and my OBG office telling me that I'm no closer than I was last week, I've started to get a little down.

Apparently, Dr.s now have a name for this. T.O.B.P: Tired of Being Pregnant. They even list it on files of women who request to be induced as the medical justification for the procedure!

I was told that tons of walking will cause contractions, but will NOT bring on labor. My Dr. said it would cause my uterus to become 'irritable'. Is there any other KIND of uterus?

Stranger Danger

We've all heard about the tummy rubbing phenomenon for those pregnant mommies-to-be who are already showing, and there are many tried and true methods for combating the overly touchy populace. My personal favorite is the reciprocal belly pat; they rub your belly, and when they stop you pat whatever paunch they have, and say "it's so cute!".

However, there are people who go somewhat above and beyond the norm of inappropriateness. Whether this be by ignorance, a generation gap, over-excitement, or even a facination with the process of pregnancy, it is almost always unsettling. My experience today fell under this very unsettling category. This is by far the strangest and most disturbing encounter that I've had my entire pregnancy, and probably makes the top five for my entire life.

I was grocery shopping with Dane and our friend Ryan at the local Food Lion, and there was some confusion at the front of the store as we were coming in. An ill-placed ketchup display was blocking traffic in and out of the store, and for a moment I was stuck against a register block while Dane tried to navigate our cart into the store.

I feel a tap on my shoulder, looking over I see a man who's on the far side of seventy staring at my stomach. He leans over and whispers something I can't quite make out in my ear, standing uncomfortably close. I have a mild problem with strangers touching me, so I start to inch away, mumbling "uh-huh, have a nice day, sir" as I make my way toward Dane and the cart.

Suddenly, he grabs me by the upper arm-hard- gestures toward his wife on the far side of the register and says louder "We're looking for one, what are you having?" pointing at my belly with his free hand, still gripping my arm. Confused, disturbed, and desperate for an escape, I tell him I'm having a girl and jerk my arm out of his grip, fleeing gracelessly in the form of a quick walk to the fresh fruit section.

Dane and Ryan caught up with me a moment later while I tried to casually hide behind the Mango display, Dane telling me I shouldn't over react to an overly friendly senior citizens. Of course, he'd been too far away to hear what was said, or see the old man grab my arm. When I explained the situation he suddenly understood my hasty retreat.

I still can't figure out if the old man was just a little bit off, not realizing that he was making me uncomfortable, if he was trying to make a joke, or if he was seriously looking for a baby (you never know, people are weird). I don't know how I avoided yelling for Dane, I wasn't exaggerating my problem with being touched by strangers, most especially when it is uninvited.

I rarely get this very specific 'stranger danger' vibe from people. While I dislike being touched by people I don't know, it's a widely known fact that I'll give anyone the time of day, or an hour long conversation, whichever works for them! But very occasionally I meet someone who just pushes all the wrong buttons. The tingly feeling at the back of my skull starts, and suddenly there is a rock in the pit of my stomach. The very clear message that I get from my nervous system is "BAD NEWS!!!" That's the feeling I got from this old man. I've never stuck around somebody who gave me this feeling long enough to find out if it's crazy or not, but something about this guy rubbed me the wrong way.

My advice for any woman in this situation is to trust your intuition. If someone makes you nervous, just avoid them, or exit the vicinity as quickly as you can, if for no other reason than to avoid causing yourself stress.

How To: Deal with Cryptic Ob/Gyns

Few women are gifted with doctors who are clear and concise when describing what can be expected during pregnancy, or even clearly illustrating what their concerns might be. Getting information about hospital policies and what services are offered can be like pulling teeth!

I've learned this firsthand at the mercy of my doctors office, while competent they aren't the best communicators. At my last prenatal visit my new OB was checking fundal height, (For those who do not know, fundal height is a measurment from the top of your pubic bone to the top of your uterus. This can be used to determine how far along you are in pregnancy.) which will be done at every prenatal visit, and he got a very perplexed look on his face. This is never a good sign.

He double checked my chart and his measurement and told me he wanted to schedule another ultrasound. Needless to say, this concerned me slightly, and I asked him if everything was alright. Was something wrong with my daughter? All he had time to say was "Your measuring small, and since you measured large at your 21 week ultrasound, we need to check to make sure your daughter is growing correctly".

This came as somewhat of a shock to me, could she somehow be growing incorrectly?!
At that moment a nurse came in and told Dr. Wills that he was needed down the hall. He turned and told me to set an appointment for the ultrasound within the next week, and also to set my regular OB appointment for exactly 2 weeks following that date. This was all I heard from them.
I set my appointments, and went home in a daze. Questions were flying through my head so fast it felt like I had a wasps nest between my ears.

How serious was this?
Could it just have been her lying in a funny position?
If there is something wrong, what is it?
What will we do if this is something serious?
Do I really have to wait a whole week to find out?

So, how do you deal with doctors who feel less than inclined to let you know what's going on behind the scenes? First, organize your thoughts. Going in thinking that you are going to get all the answers about their expectations of you and what you should be able to expect from then is all well and good, but if your anything like me the moment you sit down in that office every single question you have will go whizzing out of your head. Then you leave wondering what just happened, and none of your questions have been answered because you just sort of nodded dumbly through your whole appointment.

So- and I can't emphasize this enough- before every prenatal appointment, MAKE A LIST!!!
This will help you figure out what is most important to you, what is weighing on your mind, what will help you take better care of yourself now so you can have a healthier baby at the end of your pregnancy.

Secondly, DEMAND their time. They are busy people, these doctors have a lot on their plates, and they sometimes loose touch with the human aspect of their patients. Sure, they know where all the pieces are supposed to go, but they don't know how to relate to you on a personal level. They can't understand how scared you are, that this isn't something that is normal to you. Dr.'s deal with pregnancy on a daily basis, so your individual experience just doesn't seem that individual to them.

So, if you are having trouble getting your doctor to talk to you rather than at you, try bringing out your list, and maybe express to them your worries. Don't let them pass you off to someone else, make it clear that theirs is the opinion that you want. When confronted with a patient who actually brings the issue to the forefront of the conversation a doctor will more often than not realize that they are dealing with a real person with real feelings, not a name on a chart.

I would like to mention that there are exceptional OB's out there who really get to know their patients, have a good relationship with them, where there is a healthy back and forth. But this post is aimed at the patients of doctors who maybe have 'less than stellar' personal skills, but who are otherwise excellent physicians who will do everything in their power to ensure that you and your child emerge from your pregnancy healthy and prepared for the next 18 years together.

And that concludes today's entry. My second ultrasound is scheduled for Thursday, June 3rd, and I'll post if there is any news, good or bad. I haven't found any info on the net about what might be wrong, I just don't have enough information to go on. If anyone who reads has ever had a Dr. tell them something like that, if they wouldn't mind commenting with the result or emailing me @ cshallett@gmail.com, I would be eternally grateful!

Insensitive People and How to Cope

An anomaly that I hadn't previously been aware of; there is no apparent social stigma against people trying to lure a husband/boyfriend/fiance/significant other away from his/her pregnant counterpart.

In recent weeks I've noticed several instances of this: my fiance's manager at his delivery job asked him to go out to a club, saying that he could introduce him to some very hot women there. Dane, like the wonderful man he is, reminded his manager that he had a pregnant girlfriend at home waiting for him, and his manager looked at him like he was nuts. Dane did want to go out that night, but he called me and explained the situation first. I told him to go out and have fun, because he deserved some fun time for being so wonderful. His manager spent the night trying to get Dane to hook up with other people. It didn't work, but still, I was very insulted. Even if we weren't very much in love and happy together, you don't do that to a couple expecting a child. It's just rude.

Another instance occurred with me standing right there. We were at this same club (this time I decided to come too) two weeks later, and upon preparing to leave a woman starts very blatantly flirting with Dane. Needless to say, I was the only woman there who was pregnant, let alone 7 months pregnant, so I kind of stood out. This girl was pretty, and knew it. She sort of started inching closer and closer to Dane, until they were pretty much hip to hip, and then made a cutting comment about how he could have a much more satisfying private life if he would go with her. Then she made a very mean reference to the fact that she was quite thin, and I... well, I'm carrying a soccer ball under my shirt these days, I'm no twig. I was shocked, no one has made a disparaging remark about my weight in my life, and here I was with this woman calling me fat to my face while I was pregnant.

This is something I haven't quite mastered coping with, but in order to put it into perspective, I've chosen to think about it like this: they can't possibly have as much meaning in their lives as I have in mine while I prepare for the birth of my daughter, and this means they have no frame of reference for what I'm going though as a parent. It is sad for them that they have this lack of depth. The best thing to do is smile, possibly flip them the bird as you turn and walk away, then avoid further contact with that individual.

Those who can't do, teach!

The thing that I hear most often-other than varying and vaguely prying questions about my weight- from my DH, my friends and my family, is that I need to relax, and stress out less. They aren't telling me to drop all the pressures of daily life, or to let others do all the work, no. They just encourage me to find ways to cope with stress that doesn't compromise my health, or that of my baby.

This is the advice I am having the most trouble following, which made me think that other women might be having trouble as well. All the reading I've done says that you should 'take time for yourself', 'try meditation or a relaxing prenatal massage', and 'pamper yourself with a day out with girl friends'.

My question is what to do if your life doesn't allow that level of relaxation? How do you cope with the pressure? I am running out of patience, and something has to give.

Cloth Vs. Disposable ???

Cloth Diapers or Disposable?

This is a discussion that has caused me more trouble with friends and family than just about any other I've made. Most people insist that cloth diapers are too much work, and that anyone who attempts their use will eventually give up in frustration and turn to disposables.

My father in law was among those who thought so. It wasn't until I explained that I'd had experience in 4 different house holds that used cloth diapering exclusively, and that we would save approximately $1500.00 if we went cloth rather than disposable. Since we are a young couple, our pregnancy was unexpected, and we only have one usable vehicle between us at the moment, whatever money we can save is extremely important.

Other couples have other priorities, chief of which is usually convenience, but overall Cloth seems to be the most economical, convenient, Eco-friendly solution, even if it involves a few extra minutes of laundry.

As a final note, there are disposable diapers that I've heard about. From what I understand, they are made out of something other than the petroleum based plastic that typical disposables are made of. I haven't found reference to them on any diaper sites I've visited, but they are outside my range of focus. I imagine they would be more expensive then your typical pack of Huggies, which takes them out of the running for anyone who chooses cloth based on their price.

This isn't the last post I'll be making about diapers, in my next I'll be compiling a review of cloth diaper styles, brands, based on a variety of different criterion.

I've got a lot of research to do, no rest for the wicked.

26 Weeks and Counting

I've spent my pregnancy (the last 6 and 1/2 months of my life) learning everything I could about what it means to be a parent, how best to handle pregnancy and childbirth, all about the different styles of parenting, and about the practical side of raising a child. I've looked into everything from types of diapers, to environmental effects of different types of plastics in teething toys, to baby wearing, and have become somewhat of an aficionado when it comes to everything not related to the specific hands on experience with my own child. That is to say that I have the theoretical knowledge, and have quite a bit of hands on experience with infants and children, but as of yet I have no real practice on my own child. I blame this on her still being a fetus. Kids, you know?

I was under the grievous misconception that as I learned more about raising a child I would feel better prepared, or at least satisfied, with my preparations. Instead, the more I learn, the more I prepare, the more I feel buried under the weight of my new life, and my new responsibilities. That is not to say that I am discouraged. Not at all! Rather I feel I must work harder to learn more, prepare more, so that I won't look back years from now and chide myself for being unprepared or irresponsible.

Part of the reason I decided to start this blog was so I could help other mothers to feel confident that they had made an informed decision regarding their child. If I cite information on this site, I will provide a link to my most easily accessed source, or at least tell you what organization backs up these ideas. I don't expect anyone to take my word for it, I always double check the source lists in parenting books.

The way I figure it, there are few things in your life that actually matter, few things that will be a part of you until the day you die. If your child doesn't make that list then your doing something wrong. Already it's hard for me to remember my mindset before I found out I was a mother, now everything is about my daughter; what is best for her, what will make her and us happy as a family, am I sure that I'm not missing some harmful influence? I want to find that happy balance between authoritarianism and permissiveness, between over protectiveness and neglect. In other words, I want to be as good of a parent as I possibly can for my baby.

I was told once that there is no 'right' style of parenting. There is only the style that works for one set of parents and their child or children. No one does it exactly the same, and no one does it perfectly. But no baby understands perfection, to an infant, Mommy and Daddy are the end all and be all of their world. So-- in my opinion-- if you are a devoted parent and at least make the effort, your child will be happy with you. But like most perfectionists, I seek the exact right formula for me, my fiance` and our baby. That's truly what this blog should be; an exercise to have me discover this happy medium. I can only hope that this compilation of personal research and recounting of events in my life will also be helpful to someone else.